Friday, 09 January 2009
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struggling...
wednesday my boss man took us to lunch. excellent.
thursday night i went and hung out with a friend who's a recent addition to my list of peeps. (and by recent i mean within the last few years post-college) it was tons of fun and all we did was go grab a sandwich and then go back to her apartment and watch tv and then crack up when her husband came home talking about the "empathy night" he'd just had to attend. these are two very excellent people who i'm sorry i wasn't actually friends with in college because i enjoy them both very much. the girl and i have a similar issue and that has brought us closer, and actually helped to build a friendship between the two of us. not a good problem to have, but it's nice to know that you're not alone.
friday this morning i got to the office and got on facebook and was looking at some of my friends' sites. we have one of our old youth workers from church who just joined, so everyone is updating her on their lives...and i gotta say...i think maybe i need to take a facebook break for awhile. actually, i just need to be content with my life. i have one friend who's been married for 9 years and has 4 kids. 4 kids!!! granted, i was in her wedding (the drive home for her wedding was the first time i experienced what happens when you fish-tail and then slam on your breaks...i don't really recommend it
) but to see it written out "you've been married for 9 years?!?" makes me a little...not jealous...but something. i can't really put my finger on it...and it's not that i want her life - trust me, i don't think it would've been good for me or a husband if i'd been married for the last 9 years - but i would like to be there someday. i dunno. i guess what i got was just a sense of "why aren't you there yet? why does it seem like you're not even on the road there?" when instead i should be thinking "i have a great life" because i really do. i'm able to provide for myself (oh yeah, 2 jobs friends!), i'm able to make decisions (granted, perhaps not the best ones always...), i'm able to think for myself, there are so many things that i'm able to do and be and have been blessed with that i really shouldn't want for anything else. but i guess this morning i'm just struggling with "the grass is always greener." but that's why i started writing these things that i am thankful for down, so that when these moments come i can look and see how much i truly have to be thankful for...and really, it's not things, it's people and relationships...i say things but i'm usually meaning people. anyway. so. here's hoping today's better...
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Comments (1)
I read once, but I can't remember where, that "the grass is always greener where you water it."
It is a discipline to look at your life and change your way of thinking. It is a discipline to control your thoughts, period. The good news is: you are one of the most tenacious people I know, so I know that if you say you want to be more content, it won't be long until you are. You just have to work on changing your thoughts. Water the grass you want to be green.
Love you.
K